The Plot to Assassinate the Ex-president

In the bowels of Washington D.C., a sinister cabal plots a political assassination that could have earth shaking consequences. The former president was recently indicted and is somehow the frontrunner for the nomination for the next presidential race. No matter what scandal hits him, he won't go away. That's right, the republicans have had it with sitting around and waiting for the ex-president to kick the bucket on his own, and they have decided to help mother nature speed up the process. But how will they do it? Who is Ron Chee? Where is the mysterious help coming from? Will Tucker Carlson ever pay for being such a jerk? (Yes!) In dire times some say "one day we will all look back at this and laugh", I say why wait.