Journey Down the Muddy Road

""Have you ever been triggered and started daydreaming where you keep re-living the scene over and over. Well, that was me, I have been stuck for a decade. More and more things appear from my past that I just wanted to get out of my head.
Now I have. As a child my life was terrible. Not all terrible, but some of things were. Those are the things I can't let go of.
One day I was in church and was wondering why do I pick terrible men? Why do I make these decisions? Why am I the way I am? Why was I silent and never told my parents? Why?
My pastor sat me down and started to ask me about my childhood. When I tell you I suppressed everything from my childhood it was crazy. I am 36 years old, and this was about 13 years ago where everything re-surfaced and now I am livid. Trigger after trigger, I remember more and more. I just wanted to write it down, so I can move on.
Certain times while writing I would cry, buy a bottle of wine and just cry. Pitiful! When that wouldn't work, I wrote funny poems; which helped. These poems aren't perfect as this is my first time writing but I am proud that I tried. I am trying to heal from my mistakes, childhood, just everything.""