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Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water!As bad as all four books are individually, the author has taken it upon himself to bundle them together into a boxset... or omnibus edition. I never thought it would happen, but here is the best of the best... or worst, plucked from the author's monthly Discombobulated Newsletters. Keep On Keeping On - Ed. (The author's unpaid, long-suffering Editor... and apparently, blurb writer, now.) Reply from the Author - Simon NorthouseThanks for that, Ed. Next time, don't sugar-coat it. Tell potential readers what you really think. I asked you to write a blurb, not a 1-star review! The cheque I haven't written, nor signed, will not be in the post. Catch you at 5:30 pm next Friday in the Pickled Flange... your shout!>"Hello, potential readers! Four books in one for the price of one - that is quadtabulous! If you want a bit of a laugh about giraffes, zebras, Romans, team-bonding, robots, billionaires and my diary of the lockdown blues, then you are in the right place.All proceeds will be generously donated to the author's bank account. We all need to do our bit for charity.Okay, I'm done. Time for a nice glass of white wine in my shed." Keep On Keeping On!Simon This boxset/omnibus edition contains the following books: Keep On Keeping OnKeep Karma and Carry OnLockdown Diary BluesCarry On Rewardless

The best of the best!Here it is, a collection of the funniest anecdotes, commentaries and timeless recollections you'll ever read - well, maybe not "ever" - but, I digress.We have garnered the best bits from the Simon Northouse, monthly, Discombobulated Newsletter and put them in one handy book, especially for you (and the author).Pithy, wry, amusing, interesting, prescient - how many more adjectives do you need?If you are into books that will cheer you up and put a smile on your dial - then this is for you. If you prefer sombre tomes of angst and dysfunctional relationships, then, give this a miss."One of the best books that was nearly never written... if only it wasn't"That doesn't even make sense (nothing ever does... believe me)Download today!And, remember, "Keep On Keeping On!"

Sixteen celebrities, four teams, a tropical island in the South Pacific and only one rule... survival at any cost! What could possibly go wrong?Will Harding is looking forward to his stint on the reality TV show, I Will Survive, like a hole in the head. Against the scheme from the beginning, his fatalistic pessimism is gathering momentum.Enduring unrelenting heat, humidity, hunger, killer coconuts, flesh-eating land crabs, wild boars, and idiotic challenges is going to be a tough gig. Enduring his three argumentative and dysfunctional bandmates for an entire month will be harder.Events take an unexpected turn when he strikes up a close relationship with a mesmerising woman, and also meets an arch-enemy from another team. He experiences two galvanising emotions... infatuation and revenge!As his team bumble and stumble from disaster to calamity, Will accidentally reveals a dark secret that threatens to tear his band apart.Is their shooting star about to implode, or can they come together and pull off the greatest miracle since Moses decided he didn't want to get his feet wet?A full-length standalone novel in the Shooting Star Series from the author of the hilarious bestseller "Nuts At Christmas".

What happens on tour stays on tour... right? Wrong!The Shooting Tsars have reformed after a decade apart. Here are the unedited, unsanitised, unsavoury and unexpurgated diaries of a man back on the rock 'n' roll merry-go-round after a decade in exile ... and he doesn't seem to enjoy it one little bit!Meet the reluctant and grumpy rock star, his dysfunctional band, a dodgy manager and the reunion tour from hell! Jump on board for an acerbic and hilarious tale of life on the road.Excerpt: I've already explained how important it is to keep one's body adequately fuelled, hydrated and exercised while touring. But, I forgot to mention another equally important rule. One must keep the brain engaged! The mind must be stimulated on a daily basis to ward off the ravages of dementia and senility. The fact is, life on the road can be extremely boring most of the time. From hotel room to coach, from coach to hotel, from hotel to drug dealer, from drug dealer to brothel, from brothel to sound-check; the whole thing can become mind-numbing. And then there's the added danger of inadvertently talking to the roadies-this sort of interaction can leave one with permanent brain damage.I use two methods to keep my grey matter regenerating at an exponential rate.Firstly, I ponder the questions that have plagued humankind since the dawn of time. Questions the great philosophers have wrestled with over the aeons. Names like Socrates, Plato, Nietzsche, Confucius and Jean Paul Gaultier have all tackled the eternal dilemmas. Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? Did I turn the oven off? And the biggest conundrum of all-why did Geordie only pack two pairs of underpants for an eight-week tour? These questions can keep my mind occupied for at least a two minutes each day.Secondly, I tackle a cryptic crossword on a daily basis... once my hangover has subsided. You really need to think outside of the square, in front of the box, inside the circle and at forty-five degrees to the hypotenuse to complete a cryptic. Unfortunately, today there was one clue I could not complete no matter how long I spent on it. The clue was thus; "take the last shuttle, lose room while dancing, and turn the water off". I know, I know! You'll all be laughing at my stupidity-it's so blindingly obvious now!However, it led to a most embarrassing incident during tonight's gig. We'd finished our third song, and the applause and cheering were slowly fading away when the answer came to me in a blinding flash. I unwittingly yelled into the microphone, "BALLCOCK!" Now, bear in mind, there were over forty thousand people in the audience tonight, plus a film crew, plus "A" and "B" list celebrities, lesser-known royals (of which there are many), my mother, my girlfriend and record company executives. For a few ghastly seconds, the whole arena fell completely silent. They must have wondered whether I had developed the rapid onset of Tourettes. Even my fellow band members, who are more than used to my stranger moments, eyed me with cryptic suspicion. But at least I completed the damn crossword!