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Jonah didn't ask to be a prophet. After seeing the damage it did to his father, he just wanted to be left alone and to lead a quiet life. God had other ideas. What interest could God have in Nineveh, a non-Hebrew city worshiping false gods? How did Jonah survive three days in a fish's belly? This more plausible version of Jonah's story tells it the way it really could have happened. Fish and all.

Up to the age of 23, Phia's life is horrible. She has nobody to lean on, so she's left to cope alone when another beating from her "boyfriend" puts her in the hospital. There, fate deals her one more rotten hand; she learns she has little time left to live. Though Phia might have to die quicker than most, she, by God, won't die in the city of her misery. She loads her despair and her belongings into her car, points it into the setting sun, and begins the long road trip.

Cy is that guy. The one that Murphy's Law was created for. When he steps into line at the grocery check-out, the line stops moving. Traffic lights always turn red as he approaches. He always gets the piece of cherry pie with a pit in it. He is the one who exists for the rest of us to observe and say, "Hey, my life isn't really so bad after all." Now he's back after 35 years to play out his poor existence for your schadenfreude again. Buck up, people, it could be worse. And Cy is just the man to prove that.